I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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