ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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