Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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