STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize