3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
