matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
