theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
