You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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