you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
