don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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