Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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