Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
