Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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