Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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