I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
