Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
