how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
