overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
