I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize