I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
