It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
