True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
