i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i believe in u and ur pee
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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