im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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