All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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