Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
