we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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