Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
