Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize