Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
