then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
