STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize