Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
