woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All I want is dick and wine.
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