tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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