She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If that was your dad, he is hot
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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