Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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