yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
