Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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