I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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