He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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