3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
