She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
