final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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