So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
