Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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