I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
