i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
