I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
