he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
These tits shall not be calmed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
