I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
