It's Friday. Sex?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
