Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
