my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
