I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
