so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
