fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
