They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I smell stomach acid.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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