I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
