you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I deserve this hangover.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
