Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
