If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
