We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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