He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
