I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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