I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
