my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
