my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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