they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
